“…so put to death whatever…”
“She said, ‘You are dead to me,’” my friend sputtered out, barely understandable from her sobs. My friend tried to explain a falling out she and her daughter had and how it ended with her daughter leaving in a rage, with her last words to her mother being, “You are dead to me!”
My friend began to pull herself together as she processed the meaning of the statement, “dead to me.” She had never heard it before and wreathed in pain at the thought that her daughter considered her nonexistent.
“Dead to Me” is a title of a series on Netflix, and the phrase has made its way into the Urban Dictionary. “Dead to me” is defined as “utter distaste for a person or object that it calls for the personal denial of its worldly existence.”
While this pungent phrase can serve as a devasting blow within a relationship, there are some areas where “dead to me” can serve us well.
“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth, for you have died… Put to death, therefore whatever in you is earthly…” (Colossians 3:2-3a, 5a, NRSV).
We need to have a growing distaste for certain behaviors, activities, and mindsets to the point they no longer exist in our world. Paul’s letter to the Colossians shares a few examples: “Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world… You must get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language” (Colossians 3: 5, 8, NLT). And in verse 9, Paul throws in lying.
How do we put to death these relationally destructive behaviors?
“Dead to me” in the case of my friend’s daughter was a decision for the daughter. Each day moving forward would determine how serious the daughter was about her declaration. If she held to her statement, she would ignore her mother’s texts and phone calls. She would stop visiting and say “no” to invitations for family engagements and interactions around holidays.
A reality of death is its finality. We don’t spend time with the deceased.
In those damaging areas of our life, it is positive to decide we are better off without them. Each day moving forward will determine how serious we are about our decision. We will need to ignore the draw to the behavior and stop entertaining it as an option for us. We will say “no” to the temptation when it comes knocking and refuse to give the behavior any of our valuable time.
Something else is affected when we don’t put these relationally destructive behaviors to death. Our hearts start to die slowly. Bitterness towards others or bent toward idolatry will cause the withering of our souls. Our minds grow sour instead of minds filled with sweetness.
What will we decide to do?
As we say “no” to the actions that cause internal decay, we need to learn how to say “yes” to that which gives life. Next week, we will look at a mind fixed on life in “Dead to Me”- Part 2.
Meanwhile…
I pray that the Holy Spirit will fill you with wisdom to know when you are being drawn to destructive behaviors and grant you the strength to say “no!” May you continually put to death whatever in you is earthly, and may God bless your efforts with life and peace. So be it in Jesus’ name.
Meditate: Jesus, guard my heart
Reflect: What life-sucking behaviors or mindsets need to be put to death in your life? Will you decide to put these behaviors to death? How does Matthew 22:36-40 support the importance of our relationship with God and others? Who can you talk to who will encourage you in your decision to put these things to death?
Deeper: Psalm 1; Galatians 5:13-21, Ephesians 4: 17-31
This blog is a repost from November 2022.
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(Bible References: NRSV – New Revised Standard Version, NLT – New Living Translation)
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